Christian Calson

The Man With The Abnormally Large Heart

There was a man who had an abnormally large heart and everywhere he went all the ladies would smile. They’d tempt him with drink & perfume. They’d kiss him on the ears. It constantly embarrassed him wherever he went. He hid it in his coat. He hid it in his pants. He hid it in his pocket to keep it out of sight.

He always hid it because he couldn’t leave it at home. He tried to leave it home twice one Summer. But it cried out & woke the baby next door. The other time, the police got called. ‘Vile immigrants! Poor people have poor ways!’, they said. But it kept crying. 

One day he said enough’s enough and he drove it to the beach. As he stood there on the beach he lit one of the fire pits. ‘All you do is cause me grief. All you do is earn me pity. I’m through with you.’, he told his strange appendage. And as quickly as a car passing, he tossed it in the fire. It cried out for a while but eventually everything burns in a fire. 

He almost couldn’t believe his luck. No more crying. No more loose women. No more perfume. No more grief. Now he could wear shorts & run about like everyone. ‘This is easy.’, he though. Easy as pie. From that day on, he did as he pleased.